changes that stay the same

to anyone who cares, this is where i live now.

creston, ohio, united states.

the end of january brought the end to living in any kind of a "city"

even though where i had moved from was pretty remote, it was still close to everything that one would need in day to day life. so needless to say moving back to my hometown was, and still is, quite a shock. i keep struggling with the idea that...ok i'm 25 years old and what am i doing? living in the same house as my grandmother, and sharing a bedroom with my younger sister. who the hell does that, honestly? people keep saying that what i am doing is the right thing, and i can see that point of view....but i also liked that for the past 7+ years i have been able to come and go as i please and not have to worry about "checking in" or whatever. granted my grandmother doesn't really pry too much, but it's just the idea i guess. and of course a huge plus is the fact that i don't have to pay for anything but the internet bill while i am living here. crazy how even though i am not paying rent, i have no money whatsoever. that's another story altogether.

things in my life are otherwise the same old thing, which is mainly unfortunate. haha i don't like to be on the computer as much anymore, so i guess that's a good thing. but on days like today (where i don't work, have no money, and nothing better to do) i still spend most of the day just searching around random things online. one thing i have noticed is that i have hardly any contact with people who i thought were my "friends". none at all. that just kicks me in the face and makes me want to really get serious about planning on leaving. because why the heck do i want to stay here? it's miserable some days.

work has been alright, with the exception of a few people annoying the crap outta me. i drive to work, do my job, and come home. that's it.

some musical things in the future that i am super stoked about:

- new RX BANDITS record/tour/artwork/merch coming summer 2009 [near my birthday !!!]

- an album from frontman dave davison [maps&atlases] in his solo project CAST SPELLS

- concerts coming to town...mewithoutYou, kk & his weathered underground, rxb [presumably], elton john...and others

- a new album from PORTUGAL. THE MAN due out the end of july, entitled "The Satanic Satanist"

- a new album from wickedly awesome NURSES out july 2009 !!

so i guess that's pretty cool.

hopefully i get some stuff done this summer that i actually want to do.

if not, oh well...but it would be nice.

one more thing....

gosh i've been watching a lot of basketball this season. like, a lot.

and all i have to say is go cavs!

the scientist

my dad MADE these :D

he calls them "lid-iya"

i love them <3

holiday time in my life is always interesting.  

and this year is no exception.  

too much to deal with and no way of coping, really.  i found out that my grandpa is getting admitted into a nursing facility.  i can't even find the energy to cry about it anymore.  it's the saddest thing that i've had to deal with in a loooong time.  :(  it makes me not even want to be around anyone, to be honest.  which is probably the opposite thing that i should be doing at this time, but geez i just don't want to deal with the reality of the HUGE change that this is going to bring to our family.  my dad just dropped everything he was doing yesterday and drove 4 hours to be with my grandma [his mom] which i am at least thankful that he did that.  if he wouldn't have realized the importance of being here for family at this terrible time, i would have had to seriously question his judgement.  but i don't have to, which is good.  so today is supposedly the day that my grandpa moves from a hospital room to the nursing facility, and i just don't know if i can go to the place where his mother's health and mind deteriorated to the point where she didn't even recognize who we were.  granted, it's already kind of like that with him, but at least it was in his own home, around the things that he is familiar with.  this is just going to be so hard to go visit him in a room [probably shared with another ailing elderly person] to "visit".  and my grandma.  it's going to kill her.  her "partner in crime"  is essentially gone.  i can't even fathom a loss like that.  at their house they have side by side recliners, and i just keep thinking about her at home sitting in hers, looking over to where he's been sitting next to her for the past forever, and him not being there.  holy crap, how can someone deal with such change.   so my sister and i decide that we're going to have to be the ones there for her, since my dad is hours away and we usually see him 2-3 times a year.  man, i really hope that changes, because life is only so short, and why spend it regretting doing everything that you should have done while you had the chance.  

so now, i am just sitting at the mercy of my family waiting on the news that he's being moved.  in the meantime plans are also to go out for my "justice" side of the family christmas.  i really don't even get along with most of these people anymore, and the few people i do want to see will hopefully make it worthwhile.  i get to open gifts that i've picked out myself, and act surprised.  hah great fun.  i love my grandpa though, he's the greatest.  we get to dine on pizza hut and kfc chicken.  a family tradition for the past forever.  we're so classy.  

i can feel my depression kicking in hardcore.  i have no friends, i hardly hear from any of the ones i would remotely call "acquaintances", i am in the worst shape of my life, and i am sick.   

happy hanukkah or whatever.

thanks "holidays".  love you too.

send my regards to the 

normal people who actually enjoy this time of year.

cold feet

^^my sister's cat lucy^^

awwww i love her

http://twitter.com/rissaxlovesyou

holla